How Childhood Wires the Nervous System for Anxious Attachment

When I look back on those early years that I talked about in my last post — the longing, the inconsistency, the confusion — it’s no wonder my nervous system became wired for anxious attachment.

As a child, I didn’t have the words for it. I just knew that love felt unpredictable. That the people I needed the most sometimes just disappeared. That connection came with conditions — and often, with heartbreak.

So my body learned to scan for danger in relationships. To hold on tightly, just in case love slipped away again. To question my worth if someone didn’t choose me. To fear the silence, the space, the uncertainty.

This is what anxious attachment really is:

💔 A nervous system on high alert.

💔 A heart that learned love and loss often go hand in hand.

💔 A child’s coping strategy carried into adulthood.

But here’s what else I’ve learned:

🧠 These patterns aren’t permanent.

💛 With awareness and compassion, we can rewire them.

🌱 We can create safety within ourselves — and build relationships that feel calm, consistent and secure.

If any part of this feels familiar, I want you to know:

You are not too needy.

You are not broken.

You were just trying to survive with the tools you had.

And now… you get to choose something different.